A little room to discover one another
I have trained myself to picture expectations as a number line.
On the negative side, I am expecting the worst from someone before I really know her. On the positive side, I am already expecting something from her: a response, a certain kind of friendship, or a place in my life.
Zero is where I try to begin. I meet the person, accept that she is who she is, and allow the relationship room to grow.
This is my way of thinking about relationships, rather than a formula taught in Scripture. It helps me arrive with curiosity. I can enjoy a conversation without deciding what it must become.
At HER+ Houston, that might look like sharing coffee, discovering something we have in common, and being glad we met. We do not have to know whether we will become close friends to enjoy that beginning.
Hope without an assignment
There are other ways to approach expectations. Some people prefer to assume the best. Others want their needs and standards clear from the beginning. Both perspectives offer something useful: goodwill makes room for connection, and clarity helps us understand one another.
My number line is not a ranking in which every positive expectation is a problem. Hoping for friendship is good. Expecting someone to honor an agreement is reasonable. What I am trying to release is the assignment I may give someone before we have actually discussed it.
I can hope we will enjoy each other without expecting her to become my closest friend. I can appreciate her kindness without assuming she will always be available.
First Corinthians 13:4–7 describes love through patience, kindness, hope, and commitment to truth. That gives us room to be hopeful while remaining attentive to what is real.
Trust can grow in particular places
Over time, experience gives me more information. Trust may increase or decrease as we learn how we treat each other.
Proverbs 14:15 commends considering our steps carefully rather than believing everything. As an application, we can pay attention without turning friendship into an examination.
Someone follows through. A confidence stays private. We can disagree and still speak kindly. A misunderstanding is acknowledged and repaired. Those ordinary experiences help closeness grow.
Trust is also specific. A friend may be wonderful company and still be unable to help with a particular responsibility. Someone may be reliable at work before we know whether we want to share something personal with her.
I do not want every disappointment to become a verdict on someone. We can ask what happened, listen, and notice the response. Consistency matters, and sincere repair matters too.
Acceptance can include an honest conversation
When I say I accept people as they are, I mean I want to meet them without inventing a version of them. I can appreciate what is genuinely there and be honest about what a relationship can hold.
That does not mean everything someone does is acceptable. Romans 12:9 joins sincere love with rejecting evil and holding to good. Grace can make room for a person while truth addresses an action.
Beginning at zero also does not require staying silent about a need. If we have made plans, it is reasonable to ask for notice when they change. If something hurt, we can explain it kindly.
Clarity gives friendship a chance: “I enjoy spending time with you. Could we choose a time that works for both of us?” Sometimes a clear request helps more than hoping someone will understand an unspoken expectation.
Mercy and access are different decisions
I have a lot of mercy and grace, and I am thoughtful about boundaries. Because my capacity is limited, the access I give is intentional.
For me, that means being honest about time, energy, and what I can share. A short conversation may be what I can offer today. A deeper friendship may grow slowly through repeated moments of care.
John 2:23–25 describes Jesus not entrusting Himself to people whose response followed the signs they had seen. The passage emphasizes His knowledge of people; it does not give us His ability to know another person’s heart. It does remind us that entrusting ourselves deserves thought.
We can extend kindness without promising unrestricted availability. Romans 12:18 also recognizes limits as it calls us to pursue peace as far as it depends on us.
Leave room to receive
I want intentional access to leave room for friendship, too. There is joy in being surprised by someone’s kindness, learning something new, or accepting help we did not know how to ask for.
A boundary can be clear and welcoming: “I cannot talk tonight, but I would enjoy catching up Saturday.” Our limits can help us offer attention we can actually give.
Perhaps this week we can meet one person without writing the whole story ahead of time. We can ask a question, enjoy the conversation, and let the next step emerge.
For me, beginning at zero makes room for that discovery: goodwill at the beginning, grace along the way, and trust shaped by the relationship we actually experience.
Prayer: Lord, help us meet one another with kindness and curiosity. Give us wisdom to speak clearly, notice what is true, and make room for friendship within our real capacity. Teach us to offer grace and receive care. Amen.
Scripture for further reflection
1 Corinthians 13:4–7; Proverbs 14:15; Romans 12:9–18; John 2:23–25. Biblical descriptions are summaries. The number line is Mika’s personal illustration, not a biblical command.
Sources:
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NIV
https://bible.usccb.org/bible/proverbs/14
https://bible.usccb.org/bible/romans/12
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john2%3A24-25&version=NIV